New Year’s Resolution: Say “No” More Often!

This week, I’ll be highlighting some of my friends around the blogosphere’s resolutions for 2008, and giving specific advice that you can use if you have a similar goal!

The action plan below follows the outline from The Ultimate Guide to New Year’s Resolutions.

Next up is Chris Brogan, well-known blogger, social media guru, and all-around nice guy.

Chris’s Original Resolution

“I’m going to say ‘no,’ more often, and better.”

My Reaction

This is a common style of resolution that too many people fail at because they don’t think they have to have an action plan for it at all.

In reality, these more conceptual resolutions are the goals you REALLY have to plan and review in order to achieve them. You can tie a string around your finger to remind yourself to “say no,” but inevitably you’re going to become immune to the presence of the string and start saying “yes” a whole lot when you meant to say “no.”

When you’re changing a behavior, you need a strong, concrete foundation to support you in the process. None of us can simply wake up one morning and decide to change an ingrained habit by just thinking about it.

It’s also important to reword this type of resolution into more concrete terms that better reflect the true reason behind the change. I’m going to guess that Chris, being as high-profile and talented as he is, feels over-extended. He’s probably committed to a number of projects that required a lot of work on his part in exchange for little or no gain. Since he has only so many hours in a day, and presumably doesn’t want to spend all 24 of them working, the motivation behind this resolution is to better balance his work with its rewards.

In its current form, it’s also measuring the wrong thing. Chris doesn’t want to chart the total number of times he was asked to do something and maintain a certain % of “no” responses. Instead, he wants to conserve his resources so he can get the best possible return (in terms of money *and* karma) for his investment. To make this measurable, Chris basically wants to agree to better-evaluate potential opportunities.

Refining the Resolution

“When presented with a new opportunity, I’m going to say “Let me get back to you on that” and run the opportunity past my personal Opportunity Management Checklist.”

Planning for Success

The only new habit Chris needs to adopt is saying “Let me get back to you on that” instead of giving a definitive answer. He should do this every time he receives a proposal, even if he’s 99% certain it’s a yes or a no. This way he doesn’t ever have to think about his response until he’s in a position to measure it more objectively.

Chris needs a worksheet with a short series of questions to help him objectively decide whether or not he should say yes to a new opportunity.

He doesn’t need to physically fill out this worksheet every time, but he does need to consult it.

While the questions should be objective to an extent, they should also take into account ALL factors that would make him want to say yes or no. A project might pay well and take little time, but be mind-numbingly boring. It also might involve a lot of work and be a long-shot at a return, but benefit a cause that’s important to Chris, present a new opportunity for growth, etc.

He can also use this worksheet when pondering starting new projects for himself.

My suggested questions:

• How much time would I have to devote? How much time do I have available?
• How much money will it cost? How much money do I have available?
• What do I expect to get out of it?
• What are the odds of success?
• Do I want to work with these people?
• Will this challenge me or bore me?
• What’s my gut reaction?

He should also plan ahead for a “no” response. There’s no need to specifically explain why he chose to say “no,” and he should avoid being overly-apologetic about his decision.

Here’s a jumping off point:

“Thanks so much for offering me this opportunity! Unfortunately, I’m going to have to decline at this time. I wish you the best of luck with your project, and if another chance for us to work together comes up, I’d love it if you let me know. Thanks again!”

Review for Success

When he does physically fill out the answers to these questions, whether on paper or electronically, he should save a copy and review his decisions once a week. (At least in the beginning — towards the end of the year, as he gets more familiar and confident with saying “no” he might space this review out more.)

For bigger decisions, he might want to journal a reaction. Does he regret saying yes? Why? Did he say no to a big opportunity and regrets it now? What signs did he miss that would have led him to say yes (if any)? He may want to share a few of these stories through his blog, too.

During this review, he’ll also want to re-evaluate the questions on his worksheet. It’s likely that other important criteria will arise to help him make even better decisions.

The point of these reviews is NOT to beat himself up over his decisions. It’s to help him make better ones in the future. There’s never any point in regretting what you can’t change. Guy Kawasaki readily admits to an episode of “bozocity” when he turned down the opportunity to interview for the position of CEO of Yahoo, but as painful as those missing zeros are on his bank statements, he says that at the time, his family was (and is!) more important.

Ensure Success

While tying a string around your finger alone will never help you achieve behavioral change, it can be useful for reminding Chris to respond with “Let me get back to you on that” when someone asks for his participation.

Even if it’s on on a small post-it note, Chris should put that exact phrase — “Let me get back to you on that” — up anywhere that he regularly gets proposals. His computer monitor, desk at work, car, wallet — it might even be his desktop background or on his cell phone screensaver. As long as he adopts this one small habit, he’ll have the opportunity to change his behavior on a much larger scale.

We all know Chris is a really nice guy, and somewhere not-too-far down the line, I’m willing to bet someone will get upset that he didn’t say “yes” to their opportunity right away. While this person almost certainly deserves a “no” right off the bat for their attitude, it’d be a good idea to plan ahead for the potential for guilty feelings. If someone does get upset, be prepared to be firm in your response. It couldn’t hurt to keep a list of positives — more time with your family, growing blog audience, Twitter friends, that last successful project — to remind yourself that you need to say “no” sometimes in order to enjoy these positives even more.

Even if he only does it privately, Chris should celebrate his “no”s. He should be proud that he’s worked hard and is at a point where demand for him exceeds his output capacity. He should remember that saying “no” to one project might open up the doors to five others. Most of all, he should celebrate that we all have the freedom to say “yes” OR “no” at all!

Other resolutions in this series:

• Andrew Paradies: Improve Your Personal Relationships
• Pamela Troeppl: Get New Paying Subscribers

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